One Man's Junk

Is Another Man's Treasure.  I found a trove of treasure yesterday.  It definitely would be considered trash by another's standards.  But to me, it was treasure. 

My mother-in-law died April 30, 2012.  My husband, the youngest of four children, was the executor of her estate.  You really wouldn't call it an estate.  She'd been living in an Nursing Home for the last 4 years, so all of her belongings has just been sitting and collecting dust in her house.  We always hoped she'd be able to move back home.  It just didn't work out that way.  A series of emotional setbacks sort of drained her.  The death of her favorite son 3 years ago was devastating, and the following year her only daughter died unexpectedly.  That too was a blow that was hard for MIL to bounce back from.

So yesterday, I went with my husband and sorted through her things.  Her house has been sold, and the new owners are renovating it.  This was a home that had been owned by the family since the early50's. Lots of joy, sorrow, love, tears, and memories are still associated with the belongings that once lived in that old house.

My mother-in-law was a very special lady.  She grew up in the depression with a house full of brothers and sisters.  Only 1 more sister left of that entire household now.  She kept everything.  Christmas cards were neatly pasted into scrapbooks beginning in the late 50's.  Way before scrap booking had even been heard of.  She kept tiny arm cast when one of her children broke his arm. She kept favorite toys of each child, created beautiful baby books, and decorated for every holiday.  She loved stuffed animals, and glittery things.  She was remarkable in that she truly kept a sense of how it was to been a young teen.  She was able to talk to her grandchildren and greatgrandchildren as though she understood exactly what they were feeling.  She kept important (to her) newspapers, and recipes. 

So my husband and I brought home many totes full of treasures.  Not worth anything to anyone else.  But definitely treasures to us.

Punishing the Single Mom

I tried to give my children the tools to become successful adults.  I have come to realize that my definition of "successful" has changed dramatically in the last few years.  I have many many things I want to say, but today I will focus on how a Single Mom is Punished.

Here's my story:  My daughter - Anne - is a beautiful young woman.  She has an awesome sense of humor, is intelligent and is able to roll with the punches when life is hard.  Three years ago she'd graduated from High School and was working at a local department store.  She met a young man and they hit it off.  That Summer they were inseparable, and had begun to talk about a lifetime together.  I was so happy and excited for her. 

In August she broke the news that she was pregnant.  Although I was not too happy, I thought everything would be great since she and her boyfriend were talking about marriage.  HA!  Was I wrong!  Within a week of breaking the news to us, she broke off her relationship with Andy.  In my opinion she was scared, and convinced herself that marriage was the worst idea ever. 

So, there we were with a pregnant teenage daughter.

Skip forward 3 years to today.  She receives $99 of child support from Andy for their child.  She works part time at a Children's Museum and she and her child live with my husband and I.  Each time she tries to get ahead either by getting a raise or a better paying job, the DHHS cuts her benefits.  Right now she has daycare for her child, and her child receives health insurance.  But if she makes $1 more, her daycare will be cut.  That's $500 a month.  She desperately wants to get a better job with benefits, but she can't afford to pay the cost of daycare.  Until her child goes to school, she basically is stuck making exactly what she is right this minute. 

I know there are people out there who do not want to get off welfare.  But for those people that are trying to do the right thing, I just wish they could get a little bit of help to get off the system and still be able to afford to live.  She can't afford an apartment on her own, she gets no food stamps, and she has not health insurance for herself.  The system is royally broken when someone who is doing everything right to try and not be a burden on society gets punished instead.